It was a very long 8 weeks. Reflecting on my writings following my September audition in San Francisco, I realize just how much my thoughts and attitude changed since that flight back. So…a flashback, if you will…
Considering that I was still pretty sick, I didn’t dare believe I would walk out of that audition practically floating, and yet, I did. The reaction of the audition panel was warm and extremely positive. God’s graces had been pouring out like a waterfall – from the travel blessings (the audition location was a bit difficult to find, and I got the same Lyft driver who dropped me off, so he knew where to find me), to a greater sense of things coming together and falling into place. I don’t deserve it, but it feels like a hug – something I’ve always longed for.
Call it cliche or cheesy, if you will, but when we saw an incredible double rainbow as we were leaving Madison, WI (that lasted for 45 min) back in June, I felt a deep sense of assurance that we were on the right path with this adventure, and that we were about to live out some pretty great promises. I am completely aware that everything has not been and will not be sunshine and roses, however, I have these promises to cling to, and I pray I can keep sight of them when things are hard.
…Now back to the present
Funny how you can look back and realize you lost some of the wisdom and faith that you had, and you don’t even know how. Amazing how we are so fickle and quick to let doubt take hold. After waiting many weeks to hear anything at all after the audition, I started losing hope. The mind is a cruel companion when left to imagine and wonder long enough. Through the eight weeks, I really did try to hold on to what I had felt and known, but I was losing the battle with my thoughts and attitude.
I resigned myself to going “back to the drawing board” (aka, Google) to search for auditions (in the interest of finding a show/family-life balance, I had decided to focus on one place to find a show rather than all over the place, but now that seemed impossible.) I even prepared for and went to an audition, only to find it had been rescheduled with no notice. Things were getting very frustrating.
So, when I checked my email one day (as I did, 5 million times a day since September), I was completely caught off guard to see a callback invitation in my inbox. I was so excited, in fact, that I completely missed what the callback was for! I was simultaneously elated and panic-stricken to see that it was for the Soprano lead of a well loved classical musical (if you aren’t familiar with different voice types…or me…I am a mezzo-soprano. We generally feel more comfortable in a lower range and tend to have a different/not as light timbre to our voices). Preparing for the callback took a lot of mental and emotional strength. I battled constantly with thoughts like, “What am I doing? Who do I think I am? This must be a mistake – they didn’t mean to send that invitation to me.”
This second trip to San Francisco, I actually had time to do some adventuring! I really wanted to be able to see the Golden Gate Bridge and thought it would be fun to watch some sea lions, so I decided to catch the train into the city and then make my way to the Fisherman’s Wharf and Pier 39. Scroll through some of my pics below!
Well, thankfully, it turns out they didn’t send me packing when I arrived at the callback ;). It was a long process, and there were several other ladies there for the same role – all lovely sopranos, of course! BUT, I walked away a) not embarrassed (yay!), and b) content with the way several aspects of the audition went. Granted, I had dreams of rejection emails all that night (from which I am still trying to recover), but flying away, it felt like I left part of my heart in San Francisco. I hope to be back soon to explore, and, hopefully, be part of the arts community.
Now in another waiting period, I am again telling myself that wonderful things are ahead, even if it’s not this particular path. It helps that on multiple occasions in that first waiting period, there were more rainbows – in unlikely conditions – that felt like little reminders that God hadn’t forgotten, that He is still working even when it doesn’t feel like it. In any case, this last trip was a wonderful experience, and it was an honor to be considered. I can go forward knowing it’s okay to dream big – and maybe even outside the box.